When they looked at me, they saw a God.

When I looked in the mirror, I saw a scared girl.

When she looked at me, she saw a nervous wreck.

The only person who had ever understood me. Jordan Archer.

That day, we sat together on a picnic blanket.

Jordan's brown eyes slanted to my own. "Hey."

I looked up. "Yeah?"

"When are you going to tell them to fuck off?"

I blinked. "Who?"

Jordan sat up straight. "You know damn well who I mean. Those pieces of shit that abuse you!"

A small smile spread over my lips and I took her hand. "They don't abuse me. I lend them my power."

She scowled at me. "You let them take advantage of you."

"They're my followers. What else am I supposed to do?" I asked, confused.

Her chest rose and fell with effort, like she was angry. She pulled her hand out of mine.

"Give it up."

My gaze snapped to hers. "I can't do that and you know it. Without me, my followers would have nothing."

"Then let them!" She yelled. "I don't care! Just don't leave me!"

Her eyes and nose were red, and her chest heaved. She raked a hand through her hair.

My face softened. "I won't leave you. I'll be here in spirit."

"I don't want just your spirit." Her voice was quieter, shaky. "I just. . .can't do this without you. Please, don't let them take you from me."

Her lower lip quivered slightly, and she turned away.

I scooted closer and put my hand on her cheek, pulling her gaze back to mine. "Jordan, I. . ." I trail off. Really, I have no words of comfort for her. I have to leave her, whether I want to or not.

A man came then.

"My lady, we have to depart now."

I looked at him. Then back to Jordan. She sniffled and wiped her nose.

"Go. Wouldn't want to keep your precious followers waiting." There was a painful bite to her words.

"One moment," I said to the man. He nodded and left. I turned to Jordan. "You're the only one who ever treated me like a person. Not a god, not a disappointment, but a human being."

A tear streaked down her face, and I wiped it with my thumb. "So, why are you going?"

My heart twisted. "Because I have to."

Tears pricked my eyes.

She put her hand on mine. "No, you don't."

I kissed her then, because if I didn't, she would convince me to stay. I kissed her deep and then ran. Ran away into the sunlight and didn't look back.

That day, when she ran and never looked back, I thought I'd fall apart.

Somehow, I managed to stay together, though not without consequences. Now, I was on at least two mental health medications.

I still thought of her every day. I still cried every night.

But I was doing better.

I had a best friend. Dominic. I had a job at a Wendy's.

And still, I found myself staring up at that stupid grey expanse over my head.

I knew she was up there, answering prayers and doing godly paperwork. I wondered if she was happy without me.

Then Dominic tapped my shoulder. "Watch your step."

I looked down and saw a water puddle. I jumped into it, splashing mine and Nic's pants.

He groaned and I laughed. "You always do this."

"Because it's funny," I said, and walked away. He jogged up beside me.

"You seem to be getting lost in the sky more often now. Is this some new thing, or have you always been like this?" he asked.

I shrugged a shoulder. I didn't want to trouble Dominic with my relationship problems, considering he had his own.

"How's the romance going, by the way?" I said in an attempt to change the subject.

He frowned and bit the inside of his cheek. "Meh."

"Usually that means bad," I pointed out.

"Not bad," he said. "Just. . .not splendidly."

I sighed. Nic and his social troubles. "If you don't tell him, I will."

Nic gave me a flat look and then went back to kicking a rock. It scampered over the pavement. "Garcia's just not into me."

I raised a brow. "Not into you, eh? Is that why I caught him staring at you for thirty minutes straight at the party last week?"

Nic looked up. "No wa---Really? Why didn't you tell me?"

I crossed my arms and sighed. "Because you'd have just said, 'oh, Garcia's not into me, he'll never love me, waaaahhh'."

Dominic glared at me. "I would not---"

"You just did," I replied, and skipped forward when he tried to smack me.

I bumped into someone and knocked both of us to the ground. I looked up and saw the man himself!

I stood and brushed myself off, then yanked Dominic forward.

"Here, Nic, help the poor guy up. I accidentally knocked him down," I said with a pointed look at Nic.

I could see him grit his teeth. "Of course."

He helped Garcia up and helped him pick up the books he'd been carrying. "Here."

Garcia pushed his glasses up. I noticed a flush on his face. He looked down at his feet. "Hey, Nic---Is it okay if I call you that?"

Dominic chest rose and fell very quickly. "U-um, yeah. 'Course."

"I was wondering if maybe. . ." Garcia trailed off, rubbing the toe of his shoe into the pavement. "You'd like to study? Together, I mean."

"Oh, uh. . ." Dominic rubbed the back of his neck. "I was---"

"Just about to suggest that," I cut in, patting Nic's shoulder. "He'd love to study with you. He even has all his homework in his backpack."

Dominic gave me a sharp look, but I just grinned.

Garcia looked up for a split second, then down again. He pushed his glasses up once more.

"I'd really like that," he said quietly.

"Great!" I said and started walking home. I heard Nic say my name, but I was not looking back. If I gave that idiot a way out, he'd take to it faster than a chicken to feed.

When I got home, I dropped my bag on the floor and pulled my shoes off. I collapsed in bed and sighed. Turned onto my side.

There was a letter on my nightstand.

I sat up and opened it.

Just four words. "For when you're lonely".

I gasp and put my hand to my mouth, tears springing instantly in my eyes.

Because enclosed is a picture.

Of me and Vivian.

At the door, Garcia pulled off his shoes. Then straightened and pushed his glasses up. "This is where we put shoes."

I nodded and pulled mine off too. I arranged them neatly next to his.

He opened the door and I followed him in. His house was really nice. Straight ahead was the dining room which doubled as a living room. To the left of that was the kitchen, and the right was the staircase and I think the bathroom. It was all very clean and spotless. The only thing was it didn't feel lived in. There was little personality and no warmth.

Garcia was standing at the base of the staircase. "My room's on the second floor."

I walked over to him, and we climbed the stairs together.

We went to his bedroom and I raised my brows. There were clothes tossed everywhere, and multiple books on the floor and bed. CDs and records hung on the walls, along with a bunch of polaroids, art, and star maps. Above the bed there were thin, glittery gold drapes and artificial vines. Fairy lights were the sole source of light aside from the window. There was a bulletin board with pictures of stars and notes pinned to it. Posters were tacked above the bed and all over the walls.

"Sorry about the mess," Garcia said quietly and began picking up an armful of clothes.

I waved my hands. "No, no, it's fine! My room's messy as hell too."

He stuffed the clothes in a bin and sat at the desk.

I sat on the bed and crossed my legs. "So, what are we studying?"

He put together a stack of papers and came to sit next to me. "Astronomy."

"I love astronomy," I said. he handed me the papers and I was very impressed. The notes were very thorough. Each different fact was color coded, and there were detailed drawings.

Garcia pushed his glasses up. "It's really fascinating. Our world works on such a wonderful level."

I looked up at him. His hair fell over his eyes and caught the sunlight in a way that made him look like an angel. His green eyes flitted up to mine for a second, then he looked away.

I couldn't help smiling at how adorable he was. "What were you saying?"

"Nothing," he mumbled.

"Let's find a comfortable spot on your bed, then we'll study," I said. "That work for you?"

Garcia nodded and so I grabbed his notes and crawled up toward the mass of pillows at the head of his bed.

We laid side-by-side and spent a while studying the stars and planets.

Most of the time I spent staring at him. He'd look up occasionally, then look back down and tuck his hair behind his ear.

I listened to him talk about the mysteries of our universe.

"Hey."

Garcia peeked up at me but didn't make eye contact. "Yeah?"

"Has anyone ever told you how smart you are?"

His cheeks went a little pink. "I don't know."

I held my hand to him. He blinked at it, clearly confused.

"What is that for?" he asked quietly.

"Take it," I said.

He carefully slipped his hand into mine and I laced our fingers. Our palms fit together perfectly.

I raked a hand through my hair.

"I have something to tell you," I said before I could regret it.

"Hmm?"

"I'm in love with you. I have been for two years."

Garcia looked up, eyes wide. "What?"

I met his eyes. Those beautiful sea green eyes. "I love you."

He pushed his glasses up and looked down again. There was a while of silence. I assumed he was processing my confession.

Then, "Close your eyes."

"What? Why?" I asked, confused.

"Just do it."

So, I did.

Something soft and fleshy pressed against my lips. Then disappeared. "You can open your eyes now."

His voice sounded so nervous, I wasn't sure I wanted to. But I did. He sat over me, arms on either side of me. His glasses were missing and I could see his eyes so clearly.

"Is it fine if I do something really quick?" I asked.

He nodded. I took his face in my hands and pulled him down into a kiss.

I had never been kissed before. Not like Domonic kissed me.

When he pressed his lips to mine, there was love, longing, and something else that I couldn't and didn't really want to put my finger on. Something that made fire light in my belly.

He laid me against the bed and pulled my shirts over my head. He kissed me again, slowly, deliberately.

I tugged on the edge of his shirt. He pulled back and stripped it off. Threw it to the floor.

For a reason I won't specify, I was very glad I was wearing loose, form obscuring pants.

He straddled my waist (thank god not the hips) and leaned down. His mouth found my neck, and I sighed heavily.

"This too fast for you?" he asked, but it was hard to pay attention when I could feel his lips moving against my skin.

"Mm-mm."

I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and put my other hand in his hair. Then I closed my eyes.

Something about his nearness felt so good.

He kissed me and slipped his tongue into my mouth. I made a noise I really didn't want to think about. His hands slid to my waist, just above his knees.

We were very rudely interrupted by a loud knock.

I jumped and Nic climbed off of me.

He rubbed his neck. "Sorry. I got carried away."

I put a finger to my mouth, panic blooming in my chest. Then I mouthed: 'My father'.

He tilted his head, then nodded. I got out of bed and Nic tossed me my shirts. I waved at him and pulled them over my head.

"Open this door!" My father sounded angry today.

I glanced back quickly and saw that Dominic had hidden. I opened the door.

My father stood over me, reeking of booze and cigarettes. "The hell were you doing that took you so long to answer your door?"

I looked at my feet. "Studying."

He raised his hand and I flinched away. He just wiped his mouth. "Whatever. You're not going to college, anyway."

My eyes stayed on my socks. "Mmm."

He coughed into his fist, then left.

I closed my door and slid down it. Pulled my knees up to my chest.

I don't want to be here, I thought.

Dominic sat next to me. He just took my hand and held it.

"You have to leave," I said, leaning my head on his shoulder.

He rested his head against mine. "You don't seem to want me to leave."

"I don't," I whispered. "But you have to."

Nic kissed my head. "Okay. I'll go."

He pulled his hand from mine and stood.

I stood too. "I'll sneak you out."

We carefully made our way down the staircase and out the door.

He kissed me one last time. "I'll call you."

I put my hand over his. "Okay."

Then he waved and left.

I watched his blurry silhouette fade into the distance, then went back inside. My glasses. I needed those.

Shouting. In the laundry room. I heard a blow land. I covered my ears, tears pricking my eyes, and ran to my bedroom. I slammed the door and locked it, then collapsed in bed.

I curled into myself and cried.

The tears came readily. The kind that makes your eyes and nose burn and give you those horrible hiccups. The ones that leave you gasping for air and fisting your hands into your sheets.

Someone knocked on my door. I slowly rose form my bed and wiped my nose. Then my eyes with the heels of my palms. I put my glasses on, walked to the door, and opened it.

Mom stood on the other side, a nasty bruise blossoming on her cheek bone and bags under her eyes.

"I made dinner," she said softly.

"Okay," I replied, equally as quiet.

We walked down the staircase together, hand-in-hand, silently supporting each other.

My father wasn't at the table. Probably in his bedroom, getting drunker on more beer.

Me and Mom sat together and ate in silence. It wasn't awkward, just heavy. Heavier than it should have been.

When we finished, I helped with the dishes. Then we hugged and I went back to my room.

I poured my entire self into astronomy, drowning myself and my problems.

Each of us has to be drunk on something. For my father, it's booze. For some people it's bedroom time. Others, knowledge.

I'm the last, and I'm not proud of it. There's very little I'm proud of anymore.

At one in the morning, I strip off my pants and crawl into bed.

After a long while, I fall asleep.

Godhood is. . .exhausting.

Not just the answering prayers and taking care of your followers, but the number of social interactions and keeping your divine space clean, too.

I took a stack of written prayers from my love and assistant, Pocky, and sat at my desk.

She sat next to me and helped me answer them.

We often spent out days like this. Pretty much just hours upon hours of paperwork and keeping each other company. Pocky was one of the only divine beings I could stand to be around.

Sleep wasn't a common thing for us (gods don't need more than a couple hours of sleep a week), but we always knew when morning was.

This morning, we had the very rare occurrence of a day off.

Pocky finished tying my corset and patted my shoulders. "There you go."

I sighed heavily and remembered what I had planned for today. "I have to do something, darling. If you could wait a while."

She peppered a few kisses on my neck. "Of course."

I dressed fully and gave Pocky a parting kiss.

Just one last thing to let go of my old mortal life.

The journey to the mortal realm was fairly simple, and finding her house was even more simple. I placed the letter on her nightstand and swept back out the door.

Now, I could fully let her go and live out my divine life with Pocky.

The return to the heavens was just as easy.

When I returned, Pocky was waiting for me, dressed in comfortable clothes.

I kissed her cheek in greeting. "Hello, darling."

She took my face in her hands. "Finished with letting go?"

I nodded. "Yes. You're the only one in my heart now."

Pocky smiled and pulled me inside.

She helped me change into more lazy clothes as well, and we cuddled on the couch and watched a movie.

"I'm so glad I have you," I said, playing with her hair. "I would've given up godhood had you not been here."

Pocky took my hands in hers. "I'm glad you're here too."

We binged movies and cuddled the rest of the night.

The girl I had once known never crossed my mind.

The sobs came without warning. They left me curled up and struggling to breath.

Hours later, I laid in bed, clutching the photo of me and Vivian and wondering what the fuck had happened.

When did I become this?

Numbness replaced the earlier sadness in my chest. I popped my pills and fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke to my phone ringing. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Dominic. I answered.

"Hello?"

"Oh my god, Jordan. You won't believe what happened," he said. Something had definitely changed.

I frowned and scrubbed a hand over my face. "What happened?"

Nic chuckled nervously. "Well, it's kind of a long story."

When he finished telling me the story, I was astonished and smug.

"I didn't mean for it to go that far, but wow," I said. "I told you it would happen if you let it."

"Fuck you."

I wrinkled my nose. "Please don't."

"Jordan. We're both gay," he said.

I shrugged. "Fair enough. You have to bring him over to my place."

"He's not here with me," Nic said.

"I don't care. Find a way to bring him over."

Then I hung up. I stretched and then got dressed.

The walk to Wendy's really wasn't long.

And when I got there, I was pleasantly surprised.

Garcia and Nic stood near the door. I hugged Nic, then shook Garcia's hand.

"'Tis a pleasure to make thine acquaintance, my good sir," I said, and bowed.

Garcia pushed his glasses up and gave me a small smile. "It's nice to meet you, too."

"Your boyfriend likes me," I said to Nic as I tied on my apron.

Nic glared at me. "He's not my boyfriend."

I raised a brow. "Mmm-hmm."

"Can I be your boyfriend?" Garcia asked softly, grabbing Nic's sleeve.

I smiled and took the front desk. Those two could figure things out, and I would deal with Karens and customers.

There's this thing where once you've worked long enough, your body kind of goes into autopilot and everything around you sort of fades.

So, I think you can imagine my surprise when I processed the fact that someone asked for a piece of butter toast and three shots of whiskey.

"I'm sorry, sir," I said. "But this is a Wendy's. If you want whiskey, the saloon is down the street and to the left."

He wiped his mouth and sighed. "Sorry. I'll be goin' now."

I inclined my head. "Thank you."

Nic came up beside me, apron and visor on.

"What did they want now?"

"Whiskey," I said. "And a piece of toast."

He laughed. "Sounds about right."

We worked the rest of the day.