It was a normal day in my town. When suddenly a duck appeared in front of me... I was confused. Why a duck? Why here? Why in the middle of my driveway? Was it fate? Was it the start of an armada? No that's stupid. But just then another duck appeared right next to the first..... then a third. then a fourth. then a fifth. whyyyyyyyyyyyy?????? there are ducks everywhere!! They are multipling every second... Oh no THE DUCK ARMADA IS UPON US!!!!!!!!!!!

27 August 2026

18:14

From: [REDACTED], Federal Bureau of Investigation

To: [REDACTED], Central Intelligence Agency

The ducks are multiplying at an unforeseen rate. They now cover most of the area between Topeka and Kansas City and are moving north towards Nebraska. It is believed that no wheat survives in the area, and the soil nitrate levels have increased by 500% due to a thick layer of bird poop. Land and water barriers are useless against their amphibious capabilities. The National Guard deployed a squadron of fighters to the area, but it seems the ducks employed the countermeasure of "get stuck in the engines," which our aircraft have a vulnerability to. Pilots ejected safely and are now in trauma care at the Pentagon.

It is unknown where the duck armada originated from. Preliminary analysis of recovered samples indicates that they are, in fact, ducks. They are not aliens. They are not robots. They are not even clones. Each duck is an individual duck, Anas platyrhynchos, ranging between 20 and 26 inches in length. They do not appear to possess any supernatural abilities other than multiplying asexually at a rapid rate.

News sources around the world are reporting this event as a "deepfake" and it is becoming a "meme" on the "internet." Attempts to convince the public otherwise were met with the statement of "lol lmao." However, the ducks are very real and pose a serious threat to the nation's agricultural-industrial complex.

The Navy is unable to help with this threat due to its landlocked nature. The Air Force are very busy testing new swivel chair prototypes. The Army could not be reached for comment. While we attempt to rally more troops to our defense, there is one additional group we could consider contacting for their expertise on the matter: The Duck Hunters Organization. These brave men may be the last line of defense for crops and clean water everywhere.

Respectfully,

[REDACTED]