Riot45
Joined: 16 Jan 2026
Last active: 2 hours ago
Comment on A Girl From the Stars - Where the Hell is our Ship? (Part One)4 hours ago
This is great, I love sci-fi like this !
Comment on The Weight of Hubris17 hours ago
This is a super good start, and I love your writing style!
Comment on The search for a hero17 hours ago
This is awesome, the writing is very immersive and flows great and the story is very interesting. Can't wait to see where it goes!
Comment on Who Am I - An Author's Intro19 Jan 2026
This is a lovely idea - I share your frustrations, and am massively excited to see Fictish grow!
Comment on A Briton Reading This Story18 Jan 2026
OKay, I love this, it's hilarious. As a Briton myself, I definitely struggled writing the previous chapter and had to do far too much research into American coins, haha.
Comment on Kingdom of Red17 Jan 2026
This is really well written, and intriguingly so, leaving threads in many directions - I hope you enjoy my chapter 2 interpretation!
Comment on The Undead Farmyard Coalition16 Jan 2026
A horrific twist on Animal Farm I see? I love it.
Comment on Our Parents Have Vanished16 Jan 2026
Amazing story, its suspenseful, intriguing and I adore these characters already - I absolutely want to read more! However, there's a bit of an issue with show don't tell here, which impedes the action, realism and flow of the story. For example:
“No, just listen to my plan before you deny it,” Jordon said, looking at the group of Josh, Brian, Dillion, and Courtney who had gathered around him. “I’ve been studying the drones for some time now and have learned their patterns. They had the same pattern for the first few weeks, but their pattern suddenly changed, and this new pattern has been in motion ever since. If they are on a schedule of some sort, which I'm sure they are, then according to my observation, their pattern is about to change again. This is when I'll make my move and get up over that wall."
You could change this between what Jordon says, and what you, as the narrator adds in:
“No, just listen to my plan before you deny it,” Jordon said, looking at Josh, Brian, Dillion, and Courtney who had gathered around him. “I’ve been studying the drones for some time now," he says, running through the flight patterns in his mind. "They had the same pattern for the first few weeks, and then it changed. It's stayed that way for a while now. They're on a schedule - and about to change again," he says with certainty. "This is when I'll make my move and get up over that wall."
This flows better, and adds more tension and realism to the dialogue, while keeping the information that the audience has intact. This is a great story and I can't wait to read more from you!
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