I just got back home… ready to place my beautiful new plant on the windowsill.

“I love my new plant and I can’t wait to take care of it forever,” I thought. I decided to name it Christopher.

“chhchchhchhchch”

I pondered at what the sound could be. I returned from the kitchen until I heard the noise again-

“chhchchhchhchch”

I turned towards the windowsill, not ready for the huge shock. It was my plant. He was dying.

Christopher was dying.

“wHy MaStEr? WhYyYyY?” he said- with a soft wail.

“wh-what OH MY GOD what happened? I literally just bought you!”

“aUgHhHhHh”

“How is this even possible?”

“NoBoDy KnOwS.”

Those were his last words. I hyperventilated. I hurried to the fridge, to grab my green apple I left there half an hour ago.

“wHy MaStEr?”

CHRISTOPHER II was dying too. This day cannot get any worse.

“WHAT?! I JUST PUT YOU IN THE FRIDGE-”

“Actually though, I have no idea why this happens” Christopher II enunciated…

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

My scream echoed through the empty walls of my home. To make myself stop mourning about Christopher and Christopher II, I went to the local garden store. After 3 long hours of browsing through plants, I finally found a worthy successor for Christopher. And this made me happy, so I didn’t feel there was a reason to find a descendant for Christopher II.

Time passed. I was feeling better in general. I was playing video games with my friends when things start to get weird again.

“HEY MASTER… CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING QUICKLY” a loud voice spoke. I didn’t know where it was coming from. “It’s been 2 WEEKS since the last time you watered me!”

“I guess I forgot…”

“OH, I’M SORRY TO REFRESH YOUR MEMORY. NOW IF YOU DON’T MIND… I NEED WATER TO

SURVIVE!” he shouted

“Okay… uh… here you go,” I poured a glass of water on the plant

“I like that,” I kept watering “wait, slow down…”

“What happened?” I questioned

“You are DROWNING me. I’m about to die now.”

“But you said that you needed water…”

“I know what I said but TOO MUCH water makes me die.”

“Oh… sorry,” I said- solemnly

“This is unbe*leaf*able…”

“Hahaha that’s a good plant pun.”

“I guess my *tyme* has come…”

“I am so sorry, Benjamin. I didn’t mean to kill you.”

"I'M STILL ALIVE!" Benjamin screamed.

I almost jumped out of my skin. "Okay, how do I keep you from dying?!"

"Just giVE me a LITtle WhILe. I'll AbSorB tHIs WAter LiKE a CHamP!"

So, I gave him a little while. He did it. He absorbed the water and didn't die.

"NExt TiMe, DoN'T OVERWATER ME!"

I put my head in my hands. "I'm such a failure. I'm not worthy of plant caretaking."

"Oh, StoP WHINING, YOU DISAPPOINTMENT! I'm StiLL ALivE, Ain'T I?!"

I started crying. "Yes. But I'm not worthy of you."

"Well, of course not. BUT GET OFF YOUR LAZY BUM AND RESEARCH ON HOW TO TAKE CARE OF ME! Then you WiLL be worthy."

I set my jaw and scrubbed my tears away. "You're right."

And so, I researched the whole night away.

The next morning, I was sooooooooooo tired that I could barely get out of my chair to go piss.

That's when Benjamin yelled. "HeY! YoU! GeT yOuR uNwOrThY aSs OvEr HeRe!"

"Hold on. I gotta go piss," I said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DON'T KILL ME! YOU BASTARD!"

I felt so bad that I ran to the bathroom and peed, then when I got done, I had a mental breakdown.

"CoMe WaTeR mE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Benjamin yelled from where it sat.

"Okay. Just don't be so mean to me," I said.

Benjamin cackled like a witch. "MeAn To YoU? hAhAhAhAhAhA!!! yOu IdIoT! i'M nOt MeAn To YoU!"

I watered the plant and fell to my knees and had a stroke, from stress.