The witch Nana was a hero. Really. She used black magic but she used it to save the world. When the Hero From Another World went on his journey to defeat the Blackheart Sorceror, she was right there fighting alongside them. That was why the villagers came to her with their problems. She was a hero and could use magic, so they believed there was no problem she couldn't solve. But sometimes Nana felt that the villagers weren't in their right mind.

"I need you to kill that bitch. Like, vanquish her or something. She's a villain and you are just letting her walk around like that's not a problem. You need to end that bitch." The village girl said, staring Nana dead in the eye. The speaker was Jackie, the daughter of the village chief. She had come barging into Nana's hut without warning.

"Jackie, start over. Who is a villain?" Nana asked, predicting a headache.

"That bitch Priscilla! She's a thief! A crook. She's just going around taking things that's not hers and you haven't done anything about it. You are supposed to be a hero, so why aren't you doing your job?" Jackie jabbed a finger at Nana as she spoke.

"A thief? What did she steal?"

"Alright, you know Hunter? My future husband. I mean he didn't agree to the marriage but he don't have a choice because my daddy run this village. Anyway, he was sleeping outside, right? Leaning up against a tree with his shirt off, looking mighty sexy. And then out of nowhere that bitch Priscilla comes hop-skipping along and kisses him." Jackie said.

Nana waited for several moments for Jackie to continue. But seeing that Jackie had no intention of continuing, Nana spoke up."So what did she steal?"

"Nana, are you listening to me? You hard of hearing or something? She stole a kiss off Hunter! That's my future husband so that kiss belongs to me! She's a thief. She's a burglar. You need to put that bitch down!"

"Hold on, Jackie. I can't assassinate someone just because they kissed the boy you like."

"Who said anything about assassination? I asked you to smite that bitch in the name of truth and justice."

"I'm not about to murder an innocent girl!"

"Then you're not about to stay in this village either because my daddy said that if you don't help me, then he is gonna talk to the king about your unpaid taxes, and I know you can't pay them because you live in a broke-down hut in the woods." Jackie spoke the threat with a straight face.

Nana stared at Jackie.

Jackie stared at Nana.

"Alright, I'll see what I can do. I'll get her to leave the village the something." Nana conceded.

"What? You wanna let her leave? I want to slap that bitch in her face while she lies dying in the dirt!" Jackie exclaimed.

"You want her gone or not, Jackie?"

Satisfied with the agreement, Jackie took her leave. Once she was alone, Nana let out a loud sigh. Everyday in the village was like this.

"Alright then, time to work."

Nana sighed as she pretended to pore over her shelves, jars of bat-wing and pickled brains staring back at her with their yellowed, peeling labels. Every day for the past six months had been like this, ever since Jackie had turned 14, scorning whoever was the 'future husband' of the week, and whichever girl had been so unfortunate enough to hand the wrong guy a posy of flowers in Jackie's line of sight. But Priscilla had...kissed Hunter, while she was asleep. Nana ran the logistics in her mind. that was assault, surely.

She turned as slow as she could, and looked back at Jackie, her face puffed up like a crimson hamster.

"Jacqueline Maria Brindelhearth," Nana said.

"Yes? Do you have it? My revenge potion?" Jackie asked, bouncing up and down on her heels like an overexcited puppy.

Nana slowed. "I have our revenge potion."

Jackie blinked. "Ours?"

"Yes. Ours. To get back at your...bitch..." the word felt foreign in her mouth. "Priscilla."

"For stealing that kiss from me?"

"No." Nana's face hardened. "From Hunter. While he slept. Without his consent."

"What? No! She stole that kiss from me!"

"Do you know why I don't do love potions?"

Jackie paused. "Yeah, because it waives the other parties' free will, yada yada yada--"

"No yada yada-ing, Jackie. Priscilla, your bitch, assaulted your fair prince. You aren't going to let her get away with a crime so serious, are you?"

"No! No, of course not!" Jackie almost shouted.

Nana let the silence stretch, watching Jackie's face cycle through confusion, indignation, and back to confusion again. "Good. Now, since we're agreed that this is a matter of justice and not, say, petty jealousy over a boy who never asked for any of this attention-" Nana held up a hand before Jackie could protest "--here is what we are going to do."

She reached into the cluttered shelf behind her and pulled down a small vial of something that glowed green.

"This," Nana said, holding it up to the light, "is not a revenge potion."

"It looks like a revenge potion."

"It's swamp water with a firefly in it."

Jackie's mouth opened. "Why would you give me swamp water with a firefly in it?"

"Because you're going to take this back to your father," Nana said, pressing the vial into Jackie's hands like she was handing over a sacred relic, "and you are going to tell him that the great and terrible witch Nana has cursed Priscilla. That she will wake up tomorrow craving nothing but turnips, and will be unable to so much as glance at a boy for one full year, lest her nose grow a wart the size of a doorknob."

"That's... that's not a real curse."

"No," Nana agreed. "But your father doesn't know that. And neither does the village. And do you know what happens when an entire village believes a girl has been cursed to crave turnips and grow facial warts?"

Jackie blinked slowly, the gears in her head turning with all the speed and grace of a wagon stuck in mud. "They'd... leave her alone?"

"They'd leave her alone," Nana confirmed. "No 'put that bitch down,' as you so charmingly suggested earlier. Just a girl, holed up in her house terrified of open windows lest any boy walk by, and being forcibly fed turnips by a mother who thinks she is being comforting."

"But she kissed Hunter!"

"While he slept, Jackie. Without his say in the matter. That's not Priscilla stealing your prize, sweetheart. That's Priscilla doing something she shouldn't have done to someone who never agreed to it."

For once, Jackie didn't have an immediate retort. She turned the vial over in her hands, the firefly inside blinking lazily against the glass.

"...So she doesn't actually grow a wart?"

"She does not."

"And she doesn't actually want turnips?"

"She will, in fact, despise turnips for the rest of her natural life, much like every other sane person in this village."

Jackie considered this. "I still think she's a bitch."

"You're fourteen," Nana said, already turning back to her shelves, already exhausted by the day that had barely begun. "You're allowed to think a lot of things. Go home, Jackie. Tell your father the curse is cast. And maybe, while you're at it, ask Hunter how he feels about any of this. Might be informative."

Jackie lingered in the doorway, vial clutched to her chest. "...Fine," she muttered, and slammed the door on her way out, which Nana decided to count as a win.