I love this, it really feels like an interactive video game cutscene and the descriptions are just detailed enough to paint a vivid picture in my mind. I think the different Destiny death cutscenes depending on the archetype you choose are really cool, and it's the kind of thing I could totally see in a real story game.

I don't know. Maybe. I was thinking how princesses in fairy tales usually have fairies or talking animals that give them secret advice. Not mutually exclusive.

This is giving 2000s DCOM and I'm here for it!

I am too! I want to write a chapter, but I don't have any good ideas yet for what to do with it. There are so many directions this story could take--dystopian, supernatural, sci-fi, staying in Nova Everwick or leaving on a journey... I guess I'm suffering from an overabundance of options.

Great setup! Even though we don't know where this story is going yet, there are already some strong emotional stakes set up. Can't wait to see where it goes.

Thanks! Lysa gave me major older sister vibes.

Have you guys read Katabasis? (If you haven't, you should.) This feels kinda like a YA version of Katabasis.

Intriguing! Love the worldbuilding of daily life in the tunnels.

My feedback on the whole story: I really enjoy this plot! The conflict faced by Agnes and Jared feels developed (religious trauma is real!), and the tragedy hits harder when you read the companion story and find out Agnes isn't really dead. The decision to tell this story from Jared's perspective instead of Agnes's makes it feel more mysterious and conflicted. I think the strongest part of the narrative is the four "Fox Takes Flight" chapters where Jared discovers Agnes's letters and he and the reader finally see just how much is going on beneath the surface and why she can't stay in the Kos cult. I think the formatting could be improved. You have a number of chapters (3, 4, 5, the beginning of 9, and 14) that are told entirely or almost entirely in dialogue, which can make for an interesting storytelling device, but in this case I found myself wishing I could see a little bit more of the characters' actions and inner thoughts. 4 and 5 are the biggest ones I noticed. It's not really obvious we're in Jared's POV instead of an omniscient POV until the Litha Day chapters. Tell us what Jared is thinking at the beginning of the story, so there can be a baseline for the huge shift in perspective that happens halfway through. Chapters 16 and 17 already do something like this. There's also some formatting inconsistency with the italics--the letters in Chapter 12 are italicized, but the one in Chapter 13 isn't. And I'm not a fan of the all-lowercase sentence fragment style of internal dialogue in Chapter 16 (it reads to me as though something else is speaking through Jared, rather than his own thoughts, especially because he's calling his father "wretched man"), but that's just personal preference. Finally, Chapter 8 feels like a little too much exposition, is there a way you could show instead of tell the ranks of the cult and Agnes and Jared's relationship to them? Another thing about 8 is that it's all in past perfect tense ("Agnes's behavior had been strange," "his sister had sat on that wicker chair,") which makes this emotional scene of Agnes crying feel more emotionally detached. Was it a stylistic choice to show it this way? If not, definitely consider putting it in simple past tense (removing the "had's), which might involve messing with the chapter order a bit. Some other random things: "The Fox Takes Flight" is a great chapter title, but the metaphor would work better if the Agnes/fox connection was established at some point before Chapter 11. Is it ever explained who the person Alaric hung and burned instead of Agnes is? The word Templar is sometimes capitalized and sometimes not capitalized. Hope this is what you're looking for!

Yep, this post-apocalyptic story is dystopian now! I'm thinking this specific group of survivors probably doesn't have anything too supernatural going on, but there's bound to be weird stuff happening all over. After all, the world stopped spinning!

XKCD reference?

Love it!

Here's the plot outline for this one, as far as I've got it: Psychological thriller. Some rich psycho who owns a cruise company and was a huge fan of Brightline decided to lure both Ryder and CJ onto one of his ships and set the ship up as almost like a Saw trap to try and force them back together (and, like a Saw trap, there's a serious risk that if they don't play along they might die.) At first they don't understand what's happening--they just think it's a series of weird accidents and probably blame each other for masterminding everything, but eventually they communicate, figure out what's going on, and escape.

VERY intriguing! This is a great setup even with the little bit of worldbuilding you've given us here. Lots of deep metaphysical questions to explore here if that's the route you're going.

More lore!!

Good setup! Everyone can relate to that feeling of having a dream so nice that you don't want to leave it.

Thanks! Probably the biggest compliment I've ever gotten on an exposition delivering character in an exposition delivering chapter. One of the challenges with writing this story was that even though Kaelan is the one who fits all the classic fantasy hero tropes, Natasha is our main POV protagonist. Exploring Natasha's relationship with her mother and the Weavers is my way of making sure her journey is just as compelling as Kaelan's. Plus just throwing in a bunch of lore and figuring out what it means later is fun.

Great continuation, the pacing in the action sequence works really well.

Yep, the lore goes hard! Working on a chapter for this now.

This worldbuilding is amazing!